Well, its that time of year again. Internships are in high demand in this day and age, however, I don’t really understand why. This is my second one and I spend more time picking my nose than doing any actual meaningful work here. I felt it would be appropriate to provide a list of safe activities any bored intern can partake in to make the disastrously long day go by quicker. Here they are:
1)
The “How Much Water Can I Drink In a Day Game”-
This game is an internship time killer classic. It provides multiple benefits. It’s
a healthy way to prepare your liver for the weekend. It also creates two forms of
time killing: getting up to get more water and a plethora of bathroom breaks.
2)
gChat- Most offices don’t allow access to social
media websites, and if they do, you don’t want to be the Jabroni caught
stalking that hot girl from your freshman hall when your boss walks into your
cubicle. gChat allows you to chat with friends who also have mind numbingly
boring internships in a relatively safe environment. Most offices frown upon
personal emails in the office, but most people understand you’re an intern with
nothing to do, so looking through personal emails shouldn’t be an issue,
especially since everyone does it anyway.
3)
Office Supply Art Gallery- When Most interns
come to work, there is an abundance of office supplies waiting in that hell
hole of a cubicle they get. These supplies provide unlimited artistic possibilities
if you just get creative. Rubberbands, paperclips, staplers, paper,
highlighters, you name it, are all waiting to be a part of your next beautiful
office masterpiece. Be careful not to get too extravagant, as anyone walking by
will notice the lifesize SpongeBob SquarePants sculpture you’re making and
begin to wonder why exactly they even have interns.
4)
Cubicle pranks- pranking fellow interns or young
new hires while they leave their cubicle unattended can provide endless fun.
Simple things that can go relatively unnoticed like unhinging a chair, putting
post it notes all throughout the drawers of a desk, rearranging all the items
in the cubicle or putting up borderline inappropriate pictures in the cubicle are all solid options. Each office/ office
atmosphere is different though, so be careful and use your best judgment. You don’t
wanna take it too far. The only thing worse than having the most boring job you’ll
ever have in your life is getting fired from the most boring job you’ve ever
had in your life.
5)
Laps around the office- This is a good way to
stay in shape and get out of that stupid cubicle. It's fun to try and see if
anybody notices you the 5th time you’ve walked past their desk in 25
minutes (Hint: they probably won’t). When you’re walking around an office,
people always assume you’re on the move to do something important. Carry a
notebook or some paperwork to display an even more believable image.
6)
Start Smoking Cigarettes- I am not positive, but
I am pretty sure offices are required to allow you a certain number of 15
minute smoke breaks per day. If you just want to stand outside for 15 minutes,
they can fire your ass, but if you want to damage your health and destroy
your lungs, you are by all means allowed to do so. Fucked up and unfair? Yeah,
probably. But hey, ya gotta work to beat the system. Trust me, the lung and
heart problems that may occur later in life are far better than the monotony of
your stupid meaningless internship.
7)
Do some work occasionally- I guess that’s why
they are paying you to be there.
8)
Office Dumps- While most people are hesitant to
take shits in public toilets, the office dump is a great way to kill time. You
can get your smartphone out and surf Facebook and twitter. And it essentially
makes you a professional defecator, since you’re being paid to take that shit.
Drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and eating unhealthy can help you prepare enough ammunition
to take out a small country. Happy Shitting!
9)
Listen to Podcasts- Most internship work is simple
enough that you are permitted to plug in an iPod while you do it. While listening
to music can be entertaining, it is not as good of a time killer as listening
to your favorite morning radio show, comedian or sports analyst do a podcast.
Be careful not to listen to anything too funny, as laughing incessantly during
a podcast will make your co-workers think you’re mind numbing internship has
driven you to insanity and you’ll probably have to meet with HR.
10)
Start writing a blog- how do you think Pukey got
started…
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