A good friend of mine, Bartleby, invited me to his lake house about a year ago today. I was in the process of making fun of him for using way too much ice in every single application possible. Bartleby puts ice in his milk, his spaghetti, and his green beans. (I made the last two up, but you get the point.) As I was poking fun at him for his absurd over-usage of frozen water, he comes up with an idea. Bartleby knows my sexual ways and decided that maybe itd be a good idea for me to experiment with ice in the bedroom. I feel like I'd seen this in Cosmo or some shit (total un-bro move, I'm not a typical bro), so I decide I'd give it a try.
There were a few ice moments that actually turned out to be great, but none of these pushed the limits as far as this one experience I had with "the athlete." What's funny is that she didn't even really play any type of reputable sport, but people thought she did so the name was born. Anyways, let me go so far as to say that this female specimen was not the type of specimen you would want to spend time examining. This was the specimen that even the guys on CSI turn their heads and gag to. Yea, I was drunk. Real drunk. So what.
It was very late and my browned-out, horny self decided to make a bad decision and booty call this girl at about 3 AM. Of course, she woke up from her slumber, came over completely sober, knowing I was hammered, and wanted to fuck me. Things start to get interesting, clothes are coming off fast, and then I remember Bartleby's suggestion. I figure, this girl is the perfect opportunity for experimentation. I wouldn't do her sober, I don't want to tell anyone about her, so I might as well fuck around with it. I then stop her, and say I'll be right back, I want to experiment. She loves the idea.
I return to my room with a small bucket of ice I obtained downstairs. She is super into the idea and immediately grabs ice and puts it in her mouth, and proceeds to give me icy cold dome. This was sweet, this is where ice is actually awesome. After my frozen fellatio, I do a similar type of thing, starting on her chest, then moving down to her nether regions. At first, I'm rubbing cubes on her most sensitive regions (rhymes with slit) while I finger her. She loves it, she's going wild, so obviously I start to get excited. I grab another ice cube, take out my fingers and jam that motherfucker right up inside the deepest part of her crevasse that I could touch. Instantly she screams, gasps, and coughs all at the same time. I wasn't expecting this.
She tells me, "get that out of me right now, I fucking mean it." I say, "it's just the solid phase of water, it will melt soon enough." She slaps me, gets out of bed, leaving a wet spot on my sheets, and runs to the bathroom, grabbing one of my towels. She comes back 10 minutes later, looking royally perturbed and unhappy. She put her clothes back on silently. (At this point, I'm in sleeping position, ready to go to bed.) She says, "don't expect to see me again." Like I care.
(She came back one week later, I didn't mean to, it was only one time, chill out)
Moral of the story: sexual experimentation can make for a funny story, but it'd be cooler if the girl was more attractive.
Your boy,
Thaddeus Bonefish
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